In the aftermath of the recent brutal killing of yet
another Black youngster, people of color have, once again, been asked to eschew
violence, omit calls for a full investigation leading to the arrest and
conviction of the killer police officer, and leap directly to forgiveness.
As I discussed in Columbusing Blackness, “the
colonizer mindset (or ytppul ytppuling) is Whiteness moving in the world in the
way it best knows how: taking the path of least resistance, typically right
through someone else's most sacred of spaces, directly to its destination.” In
this particular instance, the destination is the holy space of forgiveness and
the path lies directly through the heart of Black America’s grief. Further
evidence of ytppul ytppuling; colonizer mindset hard at work.
Why would anyone make such a demand? Emotional survival and
avoidance of the pain of their wrong-doing methinks.
Who would have the temerity to make such a demand? Why, the
White colonizer of course, accustomed as he/she is to not ever having to
actually be contrite for acts committed against others. (cf: the entirety of European
colonizer history)
The demand for forgiveness is incredibly odious but what
makes it worse is the justification; apparently, Ytppul are making this demand
for my
benefit! I am reliably informed by good White people that my willingness to
forgive White violence and oppression without any evidence of White remorse or
contrition is all for my own good! Me. Not guilty White America. No
indeed! Those demanding my forgiveness are trying to help me, because I’m too [insert appropriate intellectual or emotional flaw here] to handle the
horrors of processing White crimes against Black people. So thoughtful, really.
[Gaslighting Level: Expert.]
When you put it that way, how could I possibly refuse? Quite
easily, as it turns out.
I certainly appreciate that forgiveness helps me. I get
that. I even agree with it. What I do not agree with is any suggestion that I
owe anyone my forgiveness on some timeline that works for them. That’s not how
this works. Forgiveness is an inside job, worked out according to a timeline
determined by the forgiver not the forgivee. External pressure – whether social
or emotional – is wholly inappropriate bullshit.
For every NWCL/G (nice White Christian lady or gentleman)
who demands that POC forgive yet another murdering police officer I have these
few questions:
First, were the late Jordan Edwards a blond, blue-eyed
girl, would you demand forgiveness of her friends, her family, and her
community before you demanded accountability of the police and a complete
explanation of how this dreadful outcome came to be? This is not a rhetorical
question. None of these are. So, would you?
Second, were the late Jordan Edwards an F student and a
general pain-in-the-ass White child, would you say his life should be forfeit
before you demanded accountability of the police? A simple "yes" or
"no" will suffice.
Third, were the late Jordan Edwards a grown White man with
two families and multiple children, a general lay about and drain on the
taxpayer, would you say, "Let's wait until we have all the details!"
before you demanded accountability of the police? I'll wait.
In any instance where accountability is secondary to the psychic
comfort of the perpetrators’ group, privilege is at play, and needs to be
called what it is - self-serving bull.....When another Black child has been
murdered by the police, and White police at that, White comfort is not the goal
of Black forgiveness. Well, to be clear, it’s not the goal for us. Though it
obviously is for you. Even as we face the brutal death of one of our children
at the hands of your police, in your view your feelings are still the most
important thing. Why is that do you think?
Indeed, if you really gave a crap about the humanity of
those who are repeatedly harmed by colonizer Whiteness, you would lean all the
way in to the discomfort of my unforgiveness. It might actually change you. But
the truth is you have no interest – either real or feigned – in changing
yourself. Rather, you want me to change – to contort myself emotionally and
spiritually for your comfort. I am resolute however; your comfort is not my
concern.
Your adjurations that I forgive may be couched in Biblical
terms, but I see them for what they are: a salve to your conscience and an
avoidance of the discomfort that the ugliness of racism brings you. You fear a retaliatory
response. Welp, you could do something about that couldn’t you? You could learn
and behave differently but nope, instead, you demand my silence and my
complicity with your violence.
It is the ultimate exercise of White privilege to claim the
right to decide who has to forgive and who must be forgiven and worse still, to
establish the timeline for same and I am loudly going to call that rubbish out.
Don’t bother to clutch your pearls, reach for your emotional fragility, and
wail, "I didn't mean it the way it sounded!". Yeah, you did. You just
didn’t think I’d call you on it. Assuming that overly generous Black people
will let you off the hook will not work here. Some few may forgive on demand,
but many of us are onto your shit now. Many will refuse to allow you ease this
time or the next.
Y’all need to sit and stew in your ugliness for a while.
Y’all need to worry about backlash, rage and riots. Y’all need to have a come
to Black Jesus moment. Y’all need to
suffer the torments of the damned and then you need a real repentance moment, not
some performative contrition nonsense of the “I’m sorry if anybody was offended”
variety. Nuh uh. The real thing is
required.
Until ‘you people’ are required to experience consequences of
your vileness there will be no change in that behavior. The too-quick
forgiveness that you invariably demand virtually ensures the behavior will be
repeated. If folk walk around feeling like, “Hey, no harm no foul right?!”, “I
didn’t mean nothin’ by it!” what impetus is there to do or be better next time
around? None.
In the Caribbean, children who suck their fingers are discouraged
from so doing so through the liberal application of raw aloe on the offending fingers.
Aloe tastes vile and so children learn real quick to stop sticking those
fingers in their mouths. America needs some raw aloe.
Don’t demand my forgiveness. Ain’t no Biblical basis for
such a demand. Put some aloe on yuh damn fingers and stick them in your mouth.
Deal with the bitter taste. Recognize the vileness of your skin kin’s actions. Learn.
Grow. We’ll get to forgiveness eventually, maybe right around the time you get around
to treating POC like they are equal human beings to your good selves. Here’s an
idea: we gon’ follow you there. Lead the way! We will be right behind you.
