The Beatitudes of Republican Jesus

As we inch ever closer to a repealed and replaced ACA; as we hear of the millions likely to be left harmed in the wake of both Trumpcare and the Trump 'Voodoo Economics on Steroids' Budget I feel compelled to write the Beatitudes of Republican Jesus. 

Then sayeth the Prophet of Mar-a-Lago unto them:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,

but not the poor in pocket

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

but the kingdom of earth is not and they really shouldn’t get too comfy

Blessed are they who mourn,

But not the parents or families of POC killed by the police, because seriously,

they should just have complied

for they shall be comforted. 

Well maybe 'comfort' is the wrong word, but if they’re lucky they’ll get a check, 

though nothing will actually change on the ground.

Blessed are the meek, 

That's right! Be meek! For example, if you want to protest, protest meekly. Do something like kneeling quietly in protest of an obvious wrong. Meek. Unobtrusive. 

for they shall inherit the earth. 

And the just cause you've meekly supported will resonate with others 

(I'd call that inheriting the earth wouldn't you?) 

Also, you won't lose your job bc your cause is just and "your vindication will shine like the noonday sun." Where did I read that?? (Ps. 37:6 it turns out)

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 

for they shall be satisfied. 

But not those who hunger for food, 'cause SNAP and WIC only create dependency.

Instead, let God's people flock to evangelical church every Sunday, where the poor are measured and their worthiness for support is assessed

Feed them a prosperity gospel that seeks a new Gulf Stream jet; demonizes the LGBTQ population and assess their worthiness for my blessings 

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Unless they are drug users or murderers.

We do have to fight the War on Drugs, and  we must execute those found guilty of murder, even if the evidence against them is thin, DNA non-existent and witnesses have recanted.

No room for mercy up in here.

Blessed are the pure of heart, 

for they shall see God. 

Who are these people and do they even vote?

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

and the Saturday Night Specials, and the AR-15's, because

Republican Jesus is pretty sure peace is found at the business end of a gun. 

for they shall be called children of God. 

Sorry, Glock.  The children of Glock.  Or Smith & Wesson. I forget which.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, 

Who are shunned for expressing bitter hatred and threatening violence toward Muslims, immigrants, LGBT people, and liberals, just the way God intended.

Blessed too are those who are made, against their will, to treat others with basic human decency.

That PC nonsense is just wrong.

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Where there shall be no more Soros.

And there's a wall.

Amen! 

Where American Christianity stands

Standing at the nexus of a uniquely American version of patriotism and full blown White supremacy is much of White American Christianity. She stands loudly and proudly in the space between nationalism and naked racism. She straddles that space with pride and grace.

Much of American Christianity - including the version of it spouted in some Black churches I might add - is the spoonful of sugar that makes the nasty medicine of supremacy go down.

Consider, for example, that Mike Pence is a very conservative Christian, who, as a practicing Catholic, used in vitro fertilization to overcome his family's infertility troubles. Yay medical science! But this same individual is one who would vote yes on a law (the AHCA) that would prevent others accessing much more basic and life-saving medical science services than those. Did not Jesus say "blessed are the poor because they don't want health insurance, and they should pay full freight for it if they do?"

Yay, American Capitalism-is-Next-to-Godliness Jesus!

Look also upon Ms. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the daughter of a former Baptist minister, who has spent the last two days lying her ass off for a president who is himself entirely assless, having long ago lied his own off. Or consider how Kelly Anne Conway was referred to by Chuck Todd as "a very lovely woman" and a "devout Christian". Kelly Anne "Alternative Facts" Conway is a devout something, but I leave it to Christ to determine whether it's Christian. I can make no definitive claim one way or the other, but it is worth noting that she seems accepted within the halls of American Christianity.

Praise American Bearing-False-Witness-is-Fine Jesus!

  

I say again, standing at the nexus of a USA! USA! USA!-chanting patriotism, a "Donald Trump will stop you!" screaming patriotism, a "Mexicans are rapists" patriotism, and noxious, unbridled White supremacy is American Christianity. 

This is no ordinary Christianity, but rather the founding fathers' slave-holding, slave-raping, child-stealing, Black pogrom-supporting, Native land-stealing, Chinese immigrant-excluding, Jim Crow-loving, lynching party-having, American Christianity. 

That version of Christianity is the spoonful of sugar that makes the vile medicine of racism, sexism, Islamophobia, misogyny, homophobia and transphobia go down um, um good!

The blond-haired, blue-eyed, White Jesus who somehow came out of brown-skinned, Middle Eastern Nazareth must be so very proud.

As a matter of fact, is it my imagination or do I hear White Jesus now, reframing the Beatitudes?

I can see them going something like this…….

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,

(but not the poor in pocket)

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 
(but the kingdom of earth is not and they really shouldn’t get too comfy)

Blessed are they who mourn,

(But not the parents or families of POC killed by the police because seriously,

they should just have complied)

for they shall be comforted. 
(and if they’re lucky they’ll get a check but nothing will change)

Can I get an "Amen?"