Up and down

Several months ago, I started thinking about my dissatisfactions. They aren't legion, but they're a few of them. I started thinking about it because I was chatting with a girlfriend who had the one biggest thing I wanted but didn't have (a fabulous career and a great paycheck) but she too was dissatisfied.  On chatting with yet another friend, I found that friend number two also had a career that she loved, but that the paycheck was insufficient to her needs.  All three of us, smart, capable women, were dissatisfied. I began to wonder whether this was the best we could do.  Were we destined to be dissatisfied?

Some level of dissatisfaction is, I suppose, to be expected.  No life is perfect.  If you are a believer or person of faith, you know that the Creator is more interested in your character than in your comfort, so you expect there to be ups and downs, and you accept that character development often comes by battling through the 'downs'.  The trouble is, why do we all seem to be more focused on the down than the up?  Do we even notice when we're up? Do we know what up even looks like anymore, or what the appropriate feelings are that go with up? Have we simply forgotten how to be satisfied, and I'm not talking about being 'satisficed'* but really satisfied?  Do we know how to be happy with what we have?

I don't think that being happy, and thankful, for what we have today precludes our seeking more tomorrow (or even later today), I just think it means that we recognize the blessings that we've already received and remember to say, "Thank you".  These friends of mine are successful women by many measures.  One is a partner in a NYC law firm and the other a Social Worker.  Both have the careers I would love to have, but are dissatisfied for one reason or another.  I haven't the career I've always dreamed of, but I do have a life of the mind that keeps me extremely happy, perhaps not wealthy but intellectually stimulated and satisfied.  Do I want more? Absolutely, but every now and again, I realize that it's a damn good thing to be able to think, think aloud and maybe even be heard when I do so.  And sometimes, it's enough.

The cause of perennial dissatisfaction, it seems to me, is trying to keep up with some externally established standard.  The standards go something like this: by the time you're 26, you should be married. (Grade for Liesl: FAIL.) By the time you're 32, you should have an advanced degree. (Grade for Liesl: FAIL.)  It's enough to make you dissatisfied with your life.....which it seems, is the whole point.  Dissatisfied people you see, engage in retail therapy.  And that's where the good people of Madison Avenue come in.  They show you all the lovely things that you need to make yourself feel better.  How many people, I wonder, realize the happy coincidence that all the important life milestones - marriage, baby, house and land, car, luxury vacation - neatly coincide with some industry which stands ready to take your hard-earned dollars?

As for me, I'll determine when I'll do what thank you and more than that, I'll determine whether I'll do it at all.  To let someone outside of myself determine the course of my history is beyond ridiculous.  Far more  ridiculous though, is to let some advertiser (who is only trying to get a buck off me for some industry) make those decisions.

So I'm taking a vow of satisfaction.  Whatever you folk are selling, I'm not buying, especially if you're selling dissatisfaction which only some product will cure.  I'm not saying that I wouldn't love to drive a Jaguar XK-8, navy blue, tan leather interior, wood paneling.  Nor am I saying that I would turn down an opportunity to go on a luxurious trip to Italy (primarily to attend an opera at La Scala).  Nor indeed am I saying that I couldn't go hog wild in a Talbot's store.  All of those are very attractive options to me but if I ever do do those things, it will be on terms identified by me and at a time appropriate to my finances.  I won't let marketing shame me into doing stuff I have no business (or no funds) to be doing.  If dissatisfaction drives sales, then ya'll will need to look elsewhere.  I've taken a vow of eternal satisfaction and I'm off the market.  I will keep my eye on Talbot's clearance events at the Outlet though.  That, I can still manage.




Satisficing (definition from BusinessDictionary.com)

General: Aiming to achieve only satisfactory results because the satisfactory position is familiar, hassle-free, and secure, whereas aiming for the best-achievable result would call for costs, effort, and incurring of risks.

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