Giving thanks!

It's that time of year when we start writing odes and epodes to the universe for the things she has bestowed upon us. Here's my list, in no particular order, of ten things for which I'm grateful. Feel free to let me know if you're grateful for the same things!

1. Kakistocrats

First of all, how great a word is kakistocracy and its derivative kakistocrat? As a word lover just the word excites me, its meaning not so much but the word itself? Major points! Wonder how it would score in scrabble? 

A kakistocracy is a government of the worst people. Well, this year, I'm thankful that 45 promised us that he had access to all the best people (his words). He sure does! If he doesn't have the very best worst people my name is John Brown! I am eternally thankful. What would we do without a Betsy deVos and a Ben Carson? Where would we be without a Steve Mnuchin (and the bonus of his delightful Marie Antoinette-esque bride)?

2. Jefferson Beauregard Se(ce)ssions

This man (and his name) are the gift that keep on giving. What has he done today? Nothing really, but when I reflect on his smirking mien and his White supremacist leanings, I can only offer up my gratitude to the universe that he is the chief law enforcement officer in the land.

He will protect us from Black Identity Extremists many of whom, I'm sure, he can name. Sadly though,  he will not be protecting us from White identity (Tiki torch-bearing) extremists because he's not entirely certain that they exist. They are, as we have been told, good people, these White identity extremists. So please ignore the images you may have seen on your teevee. #FakeNews

Jefferson B. is just an entire smorgasbord of bullshit for which I think we should all be deeply grateful. 

As a side note, I'm also profoundly grateful to his momma for naming him Jefferson Beauregard, and to his father for the Se(ce)ssions. No one has ever been more aptly named. No one. The man's name alone tells me everything I need to know. Jeffie's name is his destiny, and ours too apparently. 

3. The (p)Resident of the House of White (Supremacy) aka 45 aka the Viper-in-Chief

What you need me to say more? Yeah no,  I gots nothin'.

Oh no wait, I do got something. I'm grateful that DJT is the Resident (the pee really is silent). He daily proves the ridiculousness of White supremacy. Thankful! Sweatergawd, if this is supreme I shudder to think what the opposite might look like. 

4. I'm grateful for Roy Moore 

Mr. I-Really-Wanna-Be-The-First-Senator-Who-Dated-Teen-Girls-As-A-Grown-Ass-Man stands proudly at the intersection of public proselytizing and pedophilia. I am very grateful for all he represents and all those who stand with him without shame. I'm taking copious notes. 

I'm only marginally less grateful for the evangelical ~ian voters (the absence of the 'Christ' is self-evident) who would rather affirmatively support Moore and give his behavior a pass than be represented by a gawdless Demon-crat. Did I get that right? The explanation for this being that Mary (the one in the Bible, not one of Moore's accusers) was a pre-teen so this kind of arrangement is clearly A-OK with G-d. (I thought the story was that Mary was also a virgin but hey, what do I know? My translation could be wrong.).

And the fact that our (p)Resident of the House of White (supremacy) and Viper-in-Chief stands behind Moore's candidacy? Icing on this sh*t cake of an administration. Eat up! There's plenty to go around!

5. Institutions

I'm grateful for America's great institutions of democracy like the three co-equal branches, and a system of checks and balances that will ensure the safety and best interests of the people........oooh, ooh, I just got struck by lightning. Dammit.

Seriously though, as I had cause to point out to someone this morning, if we're standing around waiting on "institutions" to save us, lemme just remind y'all that slavery was an institution and that shit ain't saved a single Negro. It sure as hell saved America though. I'm grateful for history to tell me just how this shit is gonna turn out. I'm also grateful for international travel and large suitcases. Just in case nuh. Just in case. 

6. Evangelicalism's showing its entire erm, behind

Truly, what more could one want than a church that would rather stand up with a politician who is an alleged pedophile than one who believes in the right to equal protection under the law?

What more could one want than a pastorate that doesn't have to mumble when it stands shoulder to shoulder with sexual predators like the Viper-in-Chief? I appreciate the transparency.

What more could one want than a clergy that believes it has the moral standing to judge my bedroom habits while at precisely the same moment finding it possible to support a man who at thirty-facking-two was chasing teenage girls? Allegedly. Gotta say 'allegedly'. Question: did Jesus ever refer to a sinner as 'alleged'? Asking for a friend.

What more could one ask of one's moral leaders? What? Frankly, I can think of not one other thing that I'd need to ask of them. Not. One. Thing.

I am grateful for evangelicalism's naked posturing which they've been passing off as family values, when clearly, what they value is White supremacy and female invisibility and silence. Message received. Thank you. For my money, I'd say #EmptyTheDamnPews but I know that ain't gonna happen. Folks are gonna keep looking to their 'pastors' for 'leadership' but ain't these the same pastors who are on the teevee talkin' 'bout how Moore's trolling the Mall only meant he was looking for innocence? Listen, the ick factor here is off the damn charts. But carry on. Don't mind me. I'm a po sinner. 

7. The even-handedness and overall decency of our political class

You don't need me to outline the details here. I'm sure you can supply your own. Lawd knows I'm coming up empty. 

8. The careful and entirely appropriate use of power by (mostly) White men in all spheres of public life

From Charlie Rose to Harvey Weinstein, I find myself oddly grateful for my lack of success and opportunity. Being a slow starter protects you from predation. Who knew?

9. DAPL spill, rapidly followed by approval of the pipeline by North Dakota politicians

Gosh, what to say? North Dakotans are grateful for the jobs. Too bad about the water though. But hey, if folks have jobs, they'll be able to buy bottled water so yay! Winning!

Grateful too that the entire DAPL scenario proves once more that environmental racism is in fact a thing. Thank you. 

Thanksgiving 2016

Thanksgiving 2016, Native Americans were facing water cannons and dogs. Thanksgiving 2017, DAPL has spilled 200,000 gallons of oil. Gratitude that it wasn't 2 million gallons is reasonable.

10. Clarity 

Most of all, I'm grateful for clarity. Thank you America for removing every vestige of doubt.

Stories will be told in the future of how in 2017, the scales fell from folks' eyes and we could all see quite clearly what America stood for....and for whom America stood.

So that's my list of things for which I'm thankful. Now, pass the gravy, this turkey  is a little dry.