Pride

I've often wondered why 'Gay Pride'. "What's to be proud of?", I've long wondered. "Isn't that like being proud to be right-handed? I'm not proud of my right hand." But it occurred to me recently that 'pride' replaces its opposite 'shame' and that tying gay to pride made sense in a world where all too often, gay and pride didn't live in the same house. 

For decades, both the families of and the gay people themselves have been afraid and ashamed of who they were. I know this too well myself. When a family member died several years ago, we never celebrated the ending of that life in the way we should have. Why? The absence of 'pride'. As a matter of fact, there was a surfeit of shame. Our country wasn't at the pride place, truth to tell I don't know if it is yet but at least we don't have 'gay conversion therapy'.....I hope. 

My cousin was a magnificent human being. He was a cook, an artist, a plant fanatic with a serious green thumb. He was a son, a brother, a nephew, an uncle, a deeply and dearly loved cousin to me and others. He was one of my Granny's favorites (we are were her favorites). He had a big bawdy laugh and an irrepressible joie de vivre. He was kind, he was strong but, and I use that word deliberately, he was gay. And so, constrained by the social context, we did what we did. It was a mistake surely and one I still regret, but we grow as we go and so today I write in honor of him whom I loved so dearly.

'Pride' allows people to come into themselves, to own themselves and be themselves, setting shame, fear, anger, angst aside. So, 'gay agenda' talk aside, this is 'Pride' season. Be proud because that's a whole helluva lot better than its opposite. It's healthier. It's happier. It's just better, simply put. 

You are respected and loved and while Marriage Equality is a great beginning, there is more to be done. Housing and employment discrimination remain to be conquered. The Caribbean and other parts of the developing world still have a very long way to go but we live in hope. Here's to the Brave Ones trying to live authentic lives in those spaces where sometimes being who you are can be as dangerous as the Pulse Nightclub, Orlando was two weeks ago. 

And for those clamoring about 'straight pride', yeah no, that's not a thing. The whole 'pride' nomenclature stands in apposition to the other thing. It is a reclamation of that which folk have been denied: pride in who they are and how they were created. Straight people ain't never been denied nothing on the grounds of their sexuality. Until you've been shamed or forced to hide because of the way you are, the way you were made, you ain't got nothing to worry about. It is those who've had to beg a lodging, beg for a little end, beg for equality, who have to remind themselves, or be reminded, that 'pride' can and should be theirs too.

Happy Pride!

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I wrote this last year for Pride Weekend. In light of the events of Orlando, it's even more important to make room for the idea of gay pride because the opposite - shame - is quite possibly what is at the root of the Orlando massacre and the loss of life and the loss of an entire community's sense of security.

Shame harms not only the one shamed, but places the individual in the untenable position of hating not only themselves, but others who are able to live their lives openly and in peace. 

I have long said that if one person's life has no value, then naturally, others must have none either. This is why we can kill each other over a slight or a pair of shoes, because if my life is without value but yours has value, then something must of needs be wrong with me. That cannot be. That tension must be resolved and I guarantee, we won't like how it gets resolved.