Moveable Feasts

Some years ago, I had a boyfriend who I described as one who thought that integrity was a moveable feast. I got rid of him fairly soon after I started describing him that way, if not soon after I made the assessment. Sometimes you see, there's a lag between realization of the truth and acting on that realization. So it is with the Donald and Arnold I think.

With the Donald (Trump), I say that anyone who can play at running for President while playing at having a full head of hair, is immediately suspect. My simply logic is that if you will lie to me about your hair line, you will lie to me about anything. Simple. Asinine logic perhaps, but simple.

The Governator is similarly problematic. All I can say of him is, "How could you?" Lying about something for a few days would seem an eternity to me. The thought of ten years just boggles my mind. As with the Donald, I wonder now if he could do this, of what else might he be capable? I know it's not my place to judge either The Governator or The Donald, but seriously how can I not?

I've long had my doubts about The Donald...the hair. No big deal. I don't work for him nor do I wish to, but the Governator I've actually admired for some time primarily for his apparent reasonableness as the chief executive of a state. But this, this moveable feast that he's made of ethics and integrity? Gosh that's a lot to accept there Arnold.

At the end of the day, I suppose it matters not. The Donald won't run and Arnold is a naturalized citizen so he can't run but quite apart from the running or not for high office, it really makes me wonder is there anyone in office with the cojones to fess up to their mistakes early or do we have to keep going through these dreadful exposes of folks' peccadilloes? I'm guessing the answer to that is "No" and "Yes". No, folk don't have the cojones and yes, there will be more exposes. Next up.........................

Anthony Weiner as it turned out.

Do you or don't you have something to say?

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to sing for Harolyn Blackwell*, an African-American classically trained singer. As one who took her singing pretty seriously, this was a great blessing for me. As a business student at the time, this activity really didn't 'rhyme' with my other pursuits, but it was important nonetheless and was given a fair amount of psychic energy.

My coach insisted that after the Master Class I ask Ms. Blackwell whether she thought I had enough of a gift to make a career in music. Reluctantly, very reluctantly, and only at the coach's insistence, I asked the question. She cocked her head, looked at me consideringly and said, "If you have something to say, I think you do". Hmm. I never acted on that bit of information. Frankly, I didn't have the stomach to fight the fight that's necessary to make a career as a singer but still, having it said meant something.

I'm remembering that exchange now having just seen Oprah's interview with Ralph Lauren. In it,  Lauren says of himself, "I knew I had something to say". Just like that, very matter-of-factly. "I knew I had something to say." He went on to say too, that not only did he know it, but he also had the level of confidence to give life to that knowledge. That's the point at which his story and mine diverge. He needed no one to tell him that he had a point of view that would resonate with others. He just knew. For all my apparent self-confidence, I'm still waiting for approval. What's that about?

As I try to figure out my way forward, I have to keep in mind that I too feel that I have something to say. Though the questions of how to say it, to whom it should be said, and when and where to say it remain unanswered, I have to remember Ralph and Harolyn. Ralph didn't need validation. I do. I got it and yet I'm still hemming and hawing. So what exactly am I waiting for?

You can create a place for yourself if you have something to say. The challenge is the believing in the power of your words and that's usually where the bottleneck is. It sure as heck is where mine is.


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*Ms. Blackwell, famously got her 'big break' when the role for which she was understudy became available. At the Met! The singer originally hired to sing the lead, Kathleen Battle, for the production was 'released' for, to put it delicately, 'conduct unbecoming'.
Harolyn Blackwell performs in the East Room of the White House.jpg

10 year assessment: some lemons, plenty of lemonade

So today is my anniversary: the 10th anniversary of my arrival in the US. 10 years. 10 long years. Or maybe just 10 years, some of them long, some short. I wonder what I've learned in the intervening span of time? Here are a few things that come immediately to mind.

America the beautiful is a place rife with inconsistencies. This is a place proud of its freedoms and yet riddled with 'isms' that can (and do) often deny you the freedom to be who you are, a freedom as fundamental as the right to life. For me, the last decade has afforded me the opportunity to figure out whether who I am is going to be compromised to get what I want. That was an easy, "No". Figuring out how to get what I want in the absence of that compromise, however, has not been quite as easy.

Much of my time here over the last decade has been spent trying to 'find my way'. I'm not sure that I've found it yet. This is a place where My Way, per Frank Sinatra, is considered to be the way to go and yet for some, the way is fraught with challenge. Well I don't suppose anyone's 'way' is without challenge, but let's take a quick tour of Liesl's Way thus far. After four years at an international organization, a position is created for Liesl. She is interviewed and the role is eventually given to someone 15 years her junior with no relevant experience. The reason, she's told, is that the selected candidate would have more energy than the incumbent. Having had that phrase translated, she now knows that it's well-known code for "she's younger than you". A rude welcome to the post-40 world. OK then. Moving right along.

On the opposite side of that though, I've learned how to use my voice, both the singing and speaking ones. My voice coaches have been extremely successful in teaching me how to use my instrument to bring joy and sometimes tears. I didn't come for that specifically, but no one can know how important it is for me to have gained and held on to that particular bit of knowledge through all the changes scenes of my life. Even as the scenes continue to change, a song of praise and joy will continually be on my lips. The improvements to my voice are probably the single greatest blessing of this past ten years. And this does not negate or denigrate anything I had learned in the years before I got here, lest anyone take it that way. This is about having a vocal breakthrough that was entirely unexpected and all the more significant for its having been unexpected.

In general, I don't complain about the set backs I've faced over the last decade. Some are of my own making, my insistence on My Way is certainly part of that, but at the end of the day it's been a good decade. The broadening of my mind as a consequence of my education, both inside and outside the classroom, and the blessings I've seen and received along the way cannot be denied or downplayed.

As many lemons as there have been, there has also been lemonade. Many interesting friendships created, though some perhaps not nurtured to the extent that they should have been; and many interesting learning experiences. Even the time at the international organization was a growth experience, though there isn't enough money in the world to take me back there! But don't let me tempt God. I have a strong streak of Jonah in me............

I've also tested a few relationships. Some have buckled under the stress, others have not. It is what it is. Moreover, it is as it was meant to be. I accept that I am equally culpable for those failures as much as was the other party. Still, at the end of a decade, I can safely say that the best years are ahead, God willing.

So drink up! There's likely to be a whole lot more lemonade served in the next 10 years.

And for your listening pleasure, a song that seems strangely appropriate here.....Nina Simone sings "I hold no grudge".